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Pessaries burn you;
jellies drip;
sheaths off-turn you;
and caps can slip.
Pill’s depressing;
coil makes you bleed;
rhythm is guessing—
you might as well breed.
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With kind of apologies to Dorothy Parker. Her poem Résumé goes as follows:
Razors pain you; / Rivers are damp; / Acids stain you; / And drugs cause cramp. / / Guns aren’t lawful; / Nooses give; / Gas smells awful; / You might as well live.